


The B*tch in Apt. 104

by toyduck



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, M/M, Roommates, Slow Build, apartment drama, but i have shitty humor, fucking around big cities, it's supposed to be humorous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-01-23 18:46:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1575713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyduck/pseuds/toyduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger is a wide-eyed country boy who recently lands himself in Trost after being hired by a prestigious business firm as a consultant. Unfortunately, after arriving at his work place, he finds that the CEO is being investigated for fraud and thus, Eren now has no job. Seeing that he was now homeless and jobless, Eren seeks to rectify those problems immediately. However, the man he ends up rooming with is a mean-spirited, who crawled up your ass and died, clean-freak. Who also happens to have a gorgeous best friend that visits all the time. Who has a batshit crazy lady that lives down the hall from them. Who sometimes hates Eren and sometimes likes him, and it's very confusing for this wide-eyed country boy. </p><p>This is based off one of my most favorite TV shows, Don't trust The B*tch in Apt. 23. It's unfortunately discontinued but watch it! It's hilarious and crass and so perfect. E for eventual smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Did I mention I was broke?

"You must be Eren Yaeger." The Eren Yaeger in question nodded, clearly excited to be working at this firm, MP Corps, in the first place. The moment he stepped outside of Trost station, Eren just knew that this was the place for him. The hustle and bustle of Trost was like watching all those old Hollywood movies come to life right before his eyes. Ever since he was a child, the biggest city that he had ever had the pleasure of visiting was really some dinky town in the middle of nowhere. Not that he was living on a farm his entire life, but the literary equivalent to him right now was Dorothy after she got dumped into the Land of Oz. Dressed to impress in a suit and black tie to complement the curious colors of his eyes, Eren could only hope that this wasn't a dream. 

Shaken out of his thoughts, Eren could only stare as the man in front of him started to...sniff him? A little shaken, Eren didn't know whether this was something all Trost people did or if it was a sort of welcoming custom at the company. As the man finished, Eren started trying to stutter some sort of question, but nothing came out other than a confused grunt. "You smell like...country." Eren's mouth closed immediately, a quizzical look on his face. The man could tell that just by smelling him? 

"Y-yes. I came from Shigan-"

"I'm Mike Zacharias. I'll be showing you around the place, getting you acquainted with the people you'll be working with. It's usually tame around here, so nothing too exciting." 

Eren could only look around wide-eyed and confused as the people around him seemed to be literally running for their lives. Wasn't that the definition of excitement? "Over here is Petra, she's our receptionist." Petra, a cute ginger, was currently answering phones that were ringing off the hook as Garrison agents swarmed all over her desk. "She seems to be busy today. I'll introduce you later." They proceeded up the elevator, arriving at a floor that Eren imagined resembled an office rendition of Hell. People were busy shredding and throwing away documents, smashing their computers and laptops, and running for their lives. The agents seemed to have followed them up here as agents started apprehending people. "Hm. It seems like a busy day in the office. Ah. That man over there is Mr. Dok. He's the CEO of the company." He was currently being led away in cuffs, a frown furrowing through his brows.

"Um...Mike. Do the Garrison agents come here on a daily basis?"

"No, not particularly." A man rushing by handed Mike a box full of his belongings. As if taking in his surroundings for the first time, Mike looked around a little confused before understanding. "It seems we're being shut down for fraud. What an interesting first day for you Eren!" The man started to walk away, but he walked back, giving Eren a rolled up Newspaper. "The classifieds will help you out a lot."

Eren could only stare blankly at the man as Mike cheerfully told Eren he was as good as fired. He was still in that state of blank stare standing on the side of the street next to the firm. He had used most of his savings to get here. He was broke. And jobless. And homeless. Did I mention broke? The firm had offered to provide him a place of lodging for as long as he worked for them, and Eren had been looking forward to a cushy Trost apartment overseeing the skyline. However, since the entire company was under investigation for fraud, they couldn't offer him anything, let alone a place to stay. Eren had only had the foresight to rent a hotel room for two days, but afterwards he'd have to be careful on how he spent his money. Stumbling, still stunned, he continued walking down the streets completely at a loss.

* * *

 

In the hotel room, he decided that he had to call his best friends. Armin and Mikasa had been pestering him with text messages all day, and he felt he might as well respond. "Hello?" 

"Finally! Eren how is Trost?" He didn't have the heart to tell them, but he might as well. "You're probably eating at a fancy five star restaurant right now aren't you? Is the apartment nice?" 

"Eren-" Mikasa had cut off Armin. They must have been waiting together. "How are you adjusting?"

Eren sighed, still in a great deal of shock. "Well. I don't have a job guys." At their confused muttering, Eren started laughing at the irony of the entire situation. "It turns out that the company is under investigation for fraud, so I can't work there, I can't get paid, and I'm going to be homeless in two days. I can't keep spending money to stay in a hotel."

There was silence on the end of the line. "We'll come get you." Shaking his head, even though they wouldn't have been able to see, Eren told his sister no. "Mikasa, you guys are all the way in Shiganshina. How are you going to get here? I might as well go try to find a job and apartment before it's too late. Then I'll have enough money to come back home."

Flopping back onto the bed, Eren hung up the phone, not really sure how he was going to go about this. Rolling over, he saw the newspaper that Mike had handed him right before he was ushered out by the Garrison agents. Groaning, he flipped over to the classified section, looking for apartments that were within his price range. If Eren saved correctly, he should be able to at least afford a month or two of rent before having to actually find a job. There were only three places that fit his price range at the moment. Picking up his phone again, he called the first number to be greeted by some old woman's voice. After failing to convey that he was looking to rent a place, she had horrible hearing, Eren hung up and decided to cross that off his list. He wasn't sure if being roommates with a clearly senile woman was the best idea anyways. The second call was worse. The entire time he was speaking to the other person, all he could hear were cats. "Um...how many cats do you have?" "I'm glad you asked. There's Dottie, and Maria, and Eric, and..." Eren hung up before he went insane. Stealing his breath one more time, Eren called the last number. 

"Hello?" The voice drawled at him, sounding clearly uninterested. Did he even remember he was looking for a roommate?

"Uh right! I'm just answering about the ad you placed, looking for a roommate." 

There was silence on the other line. "Are you a clean person?" 

Eren was slightly taken a back. "Like clean as in shower? Or keeping my room clean?" "No, I meant clean as in are you a pure holy individual with a golden soul and light shining from his asshole?" The sarcasm was dripping through Eren's phone, but Eren was trying to hold back the chuckle he had. 

"Yeah I shower and keep my room clean. Are you looking for a roommate or a maid?"

"Tch. Can you come over tomorrow and look at the apartment?" 

Finally! Someone that sounded kind of normal. "Yes of course!" "Good, just knock. Come at 4pm, and don't be late." The line clicked off before Eren could say anything else, but he was extremely excited. Maybe he wouldn't be homeless for too long. Now the only part that he had to fix was the whole job thing, but maybe there was an opening somewhere. All he needed was some coffee to jolt himself back to action, and to change out of this wretched suit. 

* * *

Wandering around the block, he found a small little coffee shop. There wasn't really a name that stood out anywhere, but the logo was pretty distinct. There was a coffee cup in the middle of what looked like a stylized wing design. Shrugging his shoulders, Eren walked in already deciding that Trost was a lot weirder than he imagined. As he placed an order for a black coffee that he would later destroy with creamer and sugar, the brown haired boy stared in amazement at the barista in front of him. "M-mike?!" Whirling around, Mike looked back at Eren, his nose taking in a big whiff of the boy. 

"Oh Eren! How are you doing?" 

"What? How? I literally just saw you two hours ago at MP Corps." Was this even real life?

"Oh, well, I'm working here now. MP Corps was so two hours ago." Chuckling, the blonde started to take the order of the the customer behind Eren. "You know, there's an opening here if you're looking for work. We could always use another cashier." 

This was definitely not real life. "R-really?" While this wasn't some high paying job, at least it was paying. Not to mention, he might as well not look at a gift horse in the mouth. Today was definitely one where everything and nothing worked out for him. "Is there an application form or something I have to fill out?" Nodding, Mike slid over some papers as he continued to take orders. It was a fairly busy coffee shop, so at least it'll be a stable job for awhile. Maybe, he was on a lucky streak and tomorrow he would find an amazing apartment with an amazing roommate. Maybe Trost wasn't going to be so bad. 


	2. In which cleaning supplies get thrown at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren works at the coffee shop and then meets his potential roommate and then stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated: 5.8.2014/i added more words at the end.

Maybe things in Trost worked quickly without skipping a beat. After applying for the coffee shop, Eren found himself handed an apron, nametag, and a how-to manual. The actual owner of the coffee shop was some old man named Pixis. Or was it Pixie? Pixie sticks? By the time the day was over, Eren was completely confused that names didn't even matter anymore. He was supposed to report to work tomorrow, not that he had anything better to do. Maybe this was what he needed. If Eren actually had time to think then he would probably wonder why his life sucked, or how weird Trost was, and how kind of like a really bad sitcom his life was right now. He just needed a crazy woman to chase after him, while trying to hit him with bags and that would fulfill the stereotype. Trudging back to the hotel, tired, coffeeless, and wishing he was back home, Eren fell asleep immediately not even bothering to change out of his rumpled clothing. 

* * *

The dark haired man drummed his hands on his work desk, the spotless wood clacking under his relentless fingers. Work was a drag to put things mildly. There was a big case coming up, but it wasn't something that he was currently involved in. Most of Levi's court dates had been pushed to the end of the month, and it wasn't like he minded but that meant that he nothing useful to do. Levi didn't like to sit at his desk drumming his fingers all day long. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Levi let out a large sigh before checking the clock. Seeing that it was around noon anyways, Levi got up to go take a lunch break. If he was going to waste time, he might as well do so on a full stomach. Taking out his phone, he texted his friend to meet him at one of the bistros set up around the place. 

It was a good 15 minutes before he was seated and looking over the menu. Drumming his fingers again, Levi contemplated on just how late his friend was. As if summoned by his brooding thoughts, Levi heard a chair being pulled out across from him. 

"Took you long enough to get here." Levi looked over at the blonde in front of him, face deadpanned and unmoving as he flung out the statement. "Levi, I'm a minute late." There was silence as the other man pulled up his menu once again. 

"How is the roommate hunting going?" It wasn't like the silence was awkward. Levi's friends, well the few friends he had, were completely used to his moods. "It's going." There was a moment of silence. "Did anyone call you?" The waitress came around to get their drinks and orders, taking the menus with her. Without a giant plastic covered sheet to hide his face, Levi glanced over at his lunch mate. "Some kid called last night. Sounded pretty desperate." There was a momentary pause. "I don't see why you'd care Erwin. You're the one who moved out." 

Erwin merely shrugged. "I needed a place closer to the studio." Erwin was a well known news anchor in the Trost district. With his calm and collected demeanor plus that deep voice, he was able to make the simplest things sound like they belonged in an erotic novel. "You should be less strict. There have been at least 10 people moving in and out of that apartment ever since I left. Has anyone even lasted a week?" 

"No." Levi calmly sipped his water, checking under his fingernail for imaginary dirt and grime. "It's hardly my fault." Erwin only chuckled at the statement. "Well I hope for your sake that this kid is desperate enough to stay with you for more than a week Levi. 

* * *

 Eren was currently wiping down the counters at the coffee shop as the lunch rush was heading out. It wasn't too bad working here after all. After he had joined the employee's list, he noticed that Petra was there as well, probably brought in by Mike. She looked a lot less frazzled than he had first seen her, and Eren discovered that she was a really nice person. He also discovered that the coffee shop was named Scout Coffee (it was under the logo in really tiny letters), and that Mike sniffed people because that was what he did. Actually, once more customers started to complain about harassment, Pixis took Mike off of cashier duty and put him on coffee duty. It wasn't a bad move. With his sense of smell, Mike made pretty good coffee.

Once 3:30 rolled around, Eren was ready to be off. He could still hear the man's voice over the phone, "Don't be late." As he took off his apron, his sleeves stained with coffee and sugary baked goods, Eren gave a small wave to his coworkers. 

"Bye Eren, see you tomorrow!" Petra's sweet and cheerful voice was heard above the rest. She had thrown a thumbs up at him, wishing him luck on the apartment hunting. Eren might have excitedly told everyone, repeatedly, about him finding a really nice, affordable apartment. However, what started out as a leisurely walk soon turned into a sweat-inducing run. After getting lost for about 15 minutes, Eren found himself running on a really tight rope to make it there on time. 

* * *

Levi had actually just gotten home. Loosening the cravat around his neck, he was in the middle of taking off his suit jacket when he heard the knock on the door. With a glance to the clock, reading 5 minutes past 4, Levi rolled his eyes and went to open it. The sight before him both horrified and amazed him. Without a change over his face, Levi looked at the boy in front of him through slanted grey eyes. He was messy, as if his entire body was a hurricane. The messy, tousled chocolate brown hair. His firm biceps covered in a rolled up shirt sleeve stained with coffee. His eyes, whatever the hell color they were, shone with some sort of damn inner light. And the sweat drops that lined his face, caressing his skin as they moved at random across the tan surface. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Levi took a deep breath, nearly gagging. 

"Do you even shower?" His voice remained deep, borderline monotone, not betraying the exasperation he felt. The boy in front of him scrambled to apologize. "I do! I promise! I just ran here because I got out of work and I then I got lost and then I didn't want -" 

Levi silenced the noise with a wave of his hand, beckoning the boy in. His flushed face staring around the apartment as Levi started mentioning room arrangements and things like that.

"There are two bedrooms down by the hall, two bathrooms." Levi's voice was low as he continued in what sounded like lines he had said over and over again, which was true. There were 10 people before this little shit came along, so Levi had his pitch down pat. "The rent is due at the beginning of the month. I handle all that so I just need you to give me the check." It wasn't that Levi couldn't afford to live in this apartment by himself. He made enough money as a damn good lawyer even if he was just starting out, but there were two bedrooms and he'd rather not spend more money on rent than he had to. "I also have a strict policy about cleanliness." As if on cue, Levi noticed the boy tracking mud all over the damn, fucking, spotless floor. His damn, fucking, spotless floor. The same floor that he slaved over with the love of a thousand splendid suns and extra strength bleach. The floor that he could use as a mirror because it reflected more than a goddamn mirror ever could. Levi, with great lengths, buried his temper under the cool exterior of his face.

"Oi, brat." He could see the boy turning around slowly, confused. The kid had been walking around aimlessly admiring everything, as if he had never been in an apartment before. What did he live in, a shack? He obediently followed Levi's line of sight though, all the way down to the pristine floor marred by dirtiness. Again, his face flushed as an endless stream of apologies came over him. "I'm so sorry! I must have walked through the mud getting here. I didn't mean to track mud all over the place. I'm getting the feeling that you like to -" He stopped talking as Levi threw a swifter mop and a box of wipes at him. "Make yourself useful." 

He could hear the rustling of the mop and wipes, and the labored breathing as the kid frantically tried to rub out everything that was colored brown and outdoors. "You're doing more damage to my floors that way." The kid in question stopped cleaning and surprisingly he had cleaned everything. The power of determination and will. Seeing that there wasn't a problem, Levi started to move around and talk about the apartment. 

"Does that mean I can stay here?" Levi froze a little, amused. "If you don't fuck up my floor with your shit." 

"My name is Eren by the way." 

"Levi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't really plan chapters, just making them up as I go along T.T hopefully this doesn't backfire in my face, but hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter! I've always thought that Levi would make a good lawyer or professional poker player because of his face. So just let me live in my fantasies. I tend to switch focus from Levi to Eren in the same chapter so please don't get too confused!


	3. Freckled Jesus and his Horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren buys furniture, talks to Levi (kind of), and meets some neighbors.

Eren immediately moved in the same evening. Since he only had his suitcase and the pillows and blankets he stole from the hotel, it wasn't too difficult a trip. He mentally cursed himself for not bringing any furniture with him, but then again, he didn't have that much furniture. Back at home, all Eren had was a bed and a desk. As a cashier at a local coffee shop, he figured that there wasn't much paperwork that he had to do. Levi watched him roll his belongings to his room, and Eren was a little scared that the other man would kick him out. It wasn't like he couldn't pay the rent, but he gave the impression that he couldn't. Still, Levi hadn't said anything so either he was silently judging or he didn't care or both. It was probably a combination of both with a larger emphasis on the silently judging part. Eren hadn't completely figured out his roommate yet, but there were distinct characteristics he figured out. Levi seemed to be exceptionally quiet, speaking only when he had to. Mostly that involved telling Eren he was making a mess somewhere. Another thing was that he always seemed so...aggressive. It must have something to do with his height. Eren remembered Armin telling him that there was a complex where short people overcompensate for their height by being "manlier" or more belligerent. Eren didn't remember why Armin told him that tidbit, but it probably had to do with him fighting. Still, despite the somewhat unfriendly air that Levi gave, it wasn't like living with him was going to be impossible. Levi was just really...really...picky and particular about everything in his general vicinity. 

It was another four days before Eren actually held a semi - full length conversation with Levi. Since Levi kept somewhat odd hours due to work and what appeared to Eren as an inability to sleep, they didn't talk much. It was a little sad for Eren. He had imagined rooming or being near someone who was superbly friendly and wanted to talk all the time. In movies, roommates always clicked instantly and then live forever together happily ever after while riding a unicorn into the burning sunset. Levi just didn't work out the way he had planned, but Eren was grateful he had an apartment to stay at. So it was extremely surprising when Levi found the time to be somewhat social.

"Are you planning on getting furniture or are you just going to sleep on the floor?" 

They were sitting in the kitchen, Levi drinking tea and Eren trying to find something for breakfast. Eren looked over to his apartment mate and started to formulate an answer. In that time span, he gradually noticed a few things. Levi drank tea strangely. Instead of holding the arm of the cup, he gripped the rim, bending his wrist at an odd angle. Levi also had perfect hair, regardless of the time he woke up. Even if he had an undercut, which was strange to Eren in the first place, it didn't look out of place on him. Actually, Eren was sure that Levi was the only person who could have rocked that undercut. Then there his eyes. Stormy grey eyes on an average day. Eren wondered briefly what it would be like if he was happy or calm. 

"I don't use telepathy so I can't understand what you're saying when you stare at me blankly." 

Eren blushed deeply before scratching at the back of his head in embarrassment. "I-I was thinking." 

"You have to think about getting a bed?" 

"No! Not that. Well yes, but not really." 

Levi merely cocked an eyebrow up as Eren stuttered around and babbled like the idiot he was. This was why the older man never really talked to his roommate. He didn't want to scare off Eren because he was lasting a lot longer than the other people who roomed with Levi. He wanted someone to take half the rent, so Eren was his best bet. Still, that didn't stop him from  _wanting_  to chew out the little shit for irritating him sometimes. 

"I mean, yes I'm going to get furniture. I just had to wait for a free day from work." 

Levi nodded, and Eren seemed relieved. A little too relieved that he could answer a simple yes or no question. Must have been dropped as a baby. Turning around, Eren busied himself with making breakfast. He couldn't really admit to his roommate that he was just looking at him. Not checking him out, because he hadn't gotten that far yet, but he was just looking at the other man to get familiar with him. Like how his fingers were slender and elegant, wrapping gently around the tea cup. Or that his clothing was fitted well to his body and it made him look lean yet muscular. Well, Eren couldn't see his muscles, but he just assumed that Levi would be muscular. Levi was the type of man who cared about how he looked. Eren wondered if Levi had actually noticed his appearance as well or if Eren was just a little stain against his meticulously kept apartment. 

"Well whatever you do, don't buy second hand things. There might be roaches. I don't need an infestation in this apartment."

Eren nodded vigorously as he poured eggs into a heated pan, the hot oil jumping out. Levi watched in pure silence, counting the number of oil drops hopping onto the stove and the floor. Eren was oblivious to the fact though and made his eggs as if there wasn't a care in the world. Massaging his temples, Levi told himself to calm down. It was just a little oil. He nearly yelled at himself for even thinking that statement, but he knew he couldn't scare Eren off. Letting out a sigh, Levi got up from the table and proceeded to his room to get ready for work. He'd never show it, but he was relieved Eren was getting furniture. Getting furniture meant that he was possibly going to stay for more than a week. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Eren finished cooking and proceeded to wolf down everything in the pan regardless of the heat. Hurriedly dumping the pan into the sink, he washed it and went to get dressed. He had enlisted the help of Petra, and he was pretty sure that she was already waiting for him downstairs. Unaware of the accumulated amount of oil drops and Levi's eventual outburst, Eren excitedly went to meet his coworker to choose the best bed ever. 

* * *

"How about this one? It's soft and you practically can melt in it."

Petra was lying down on what apparently was humanity's most comfortable bed. Eren tentatively tested it, pushing down with his hand. 

"But won't I get a bad back lying down on it? I thought you had to have a firm mattress." Eren didn't know what he was saying, but it sounded right. 

"So you want to sleep on a bed that's like your floor?" There was a teasing tone to Petra's voice, but she was right in a way. The only beds that Eren seemed to be a fan of so far were ones that seemed like rocks in disguise. 

"So I'm guessing that you like your new apartment? Since you're getting furniture and everything." 

Eren nodded. He supposed that it was sign that maybe life would work out for him after all. "It's nice there. My roommate is a little bit of a handful, but we don't really see much of each other to really run into any problems."

"A handful?"

"Well he's kind of a neat freak. I mean, I guess that's a good thing."

Petra agreed. "Well, at least you have a quiet and clean roommate. You've heard about the other horror story roommates right? Like the ones that steal your stuff or try to strangle you in your sleep." Eren gave a semi-frightened look as Petra started to get on a roll about possible terrible roommates that you could have in. Not wanting to imagine if Levi was possible of all those things, Eren quickly changed the subject. The sad thing was that he could imagine the shorter man, standing over his bed, watching him sleep with those half-lidded, grey eyes. 

"What about you Petra? You were living in a company apartment right?" 

Petra nodded in agreement. "But it wasn't too bad. One of my friends heard what happened so I ended up moving in with him. I also already had furniture, so I don't have to go through this." She spread her hands out to the rows and rows of bed that they had been trying.

Laughing, Eren moved around the show room. The prices weren't too bad, especially since he was just getting a full. He reasoned that he would be able to fit another person just in case he needed to, not that he had anyone that he meant to fit into his bed any time soon. Falling back on one of his favorite beds, Eren wondered if he should just pick it and move on with his life. He still needed to get a desk, chair, and lamp. They had already spent over an hour here. 

"Oh try this one over here Eren!" Sighing, he went over to join Petra. Now that he thought about it, they were taking so long because Petra was practically trying out every bed in the store. Maybe he should have just gone by himself. 

* * *

Another hour in, Eren finally managed to get a bed and everything else he was looking for. He also managed to add to that list by getting a trashcan, a bookcase, nightstand, and wall decorations picked out by Petra. He didn't mean to spend this much money, but Eren figured it wasn't too bad. He had a steady paying job, so it was kind of something he could afford. Anyways, he was going to be living in Trost for awhile, so might as well make it home. 

As Petra dropped him off at his building, Eren waved her goodbye, saying he didn't need any help getting all his shit up to his apartment. As she drove away, Eren fully understood what he had done to himself. Sighing, he quickly moved the lighter things up to his floor before going down for the bed. The trick was trying to fit it into the elevator. After that happened, he just had to push it out and into his apartment. It was of course easier said than done. The mattress wouldn't slide as easily as he hoped it to, and then he completely forgot about the box containing bed frame just chilling outside. Instead of taking it up first, since the mattress was now blocking the door, Eren ended up pushing the mattress and kicking the bed frame's box along. All in all, it was tiring and unnecessary and completely lacking in the planning department. 

About to give up and just leave his mattress and bed frame for some vagrant to steal, Eren wasn't sure if he heard the voice of God speaking from behind him.

"Do you need some help getting this into the elevator?"

A freckled Jesus.

Eren couldn't figure out how to say that he needed help in the least pathetic way possible, so he ended up nodding vigorously as he pointed and babbled at his belongings. He stopped short of clutching the man's legs and crying. Laughing, the other man walked over to the other end and hoisted the bed up easily into the elevator. They then quickly moved the bed frame box inside with them as well in half the time that Eren spent dejectedly attempting to move it.

"My name is Marco by the way. I live in 110." Eren shook the outstretched hand, greatly appreciating the fact that he met someone so nice. Marco was a tall and slender man with freckles dotting his face. His eyes were warm and his smile inviting, and if he was in a pageant, he should win Mr. Congeniality. Actually, he really wasn't that bad looking. He might as well win the whole pageant. "I'm Eren. I just moved into 104."

There was a slight change of expression over Marco's face at the mentioning on his apartment number, a bit of surprise. "Oh, you must be a very patient person then." Before Eren could ask what he meant, the elevator doors opened and the two guys started to continue the move. 

"Thanks a lot Marco. I'm not sure I'd have been able to do this by myself." Eren laughed, a little embarrassed. Although, he wasn't sure Petra could have helped him either. She was a good deal smaller than him. The mattress itself would have easily flattened her. Marco was at least taller and seemed to be full of lean muscles. Did everyone in Trost work out? Eren had yet to see someone who wasn't tall and lean, well Levi was short and lean but that was kind of close to the same thing. 

"It's no problem Eren. If you need any help at all, I'm just down the hall. You should stop by sometimes when you get the chance." 

They were nearing Eren's apartment when he heard another voice sounding down the hallway. In the past four days, the only person Eren had seen was Levi and that was only sparingly. Now, it was as if everyone and their grandma was crawling out of whatever dark hole they crawled into. At the sound of the voice, Marco turned around and waved. 

"Jean. You're home early today." Eren peeked around the side of the mattress to seen another tall man approaching them. He also had an undercut like Levi, but unlike Levi, his undercut looked stupid. Not to mention that it was different colors, as if he had a botched color job. And then there was his face, which was long with a really flat chin. It kind of looked like the shape of a horse's face, just as long too. Eren stifled a laugh, not trying to insult someone he barely knew, but he couldn't understand how the other man didn't look in the mirror without laughing at himself.  

"This is Jean my roommate." Eren snapped back to the present as Marco introduced the horse-face. "And this is Eren. He recently moved into 104." There was a slight pause and a small "oh." Jean snickered a bit after that. "Hopefully you last more than a week, but then again, you probably won't." There was something about Jean that rubbed Eren the wrong way.

"Jean be nice." Marco's voice, sweet and caring. How could he put up with someone like Jean?

"It's alright. Levi is a bit difficult." Eren managed a small smile before moving the rest of the items into his apartment. "Well thanks for your help Marco, hopefully I'll see you guys around."

"If you're around long enough." There was another snicker. 

"Well I'm sure I'm in the same position as Marco, and he seems to be managing just fine." 

There was a pause as Jean thought through Eren's insult. Just as he was about to go charging back to exchange words, maybe some blows, throw hay at Eren or whatever, Marco was dragging his roommate back, placating him. Sending an apologetic smile towards Eren, Marco directed his roommate back to their rooms. Eren liked Marco a lot. He was the roommate that he had planned on having, but it was kind of ok to have him as a neighbor. As long as Jean wasn't around. How that guy ended up with someone great like Marco was beyond Eren.

Waving goodbye at the freckled saint and his demonic horse-mate, Eren was about to close the door when he heard a shrill voice at the end of the hallway. There was a rush of footsteps accompanied by "OHHHHHHHH So you're the new roommate!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten about Mikasa and Armin! They'll show up next time. Also, I'm sorry. I suck at making titles T.T


	4. The Overly Excited Stalker from Down the Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Eren meets Hanji and discovers that Levi might have sexual desires under that cold exterior.

Eren immediately froze at the overly enthused voice, wincing slightly. Every fiber in his body told him that he needed to slam the door shut and back into a safe room. AKA the bathroom. But no, Eren just stood there slack jawed as a woman barreled into him and into the living room and then the living room.

“AHHHHHHH! I’M FINALLY IN LEVI’S APARTMENT!”

The woman rapidly got off of Eren as she started to rush around inspecting the minimalistic design of Levi’s living space. 

“It doesn’t really look much different than it did before although I guess there are pieces missing. I guess you could say Erwin was the homier of the two of them, but it doesn’t look bad here. It’s chic…“ Eren lost her after the first sentence as the woman bumbled around muttering to herself. Every once in awhile she would lift something, make exclamations, and then walk around as if nothing had happened.

“E-excuse me…Who are you?”

She slowly turned to face him. Eren was finally able to make the glasses that were on her face, the brown hair that was twinged with a little of purple and the chocolate brown eyes that blinked inquisitively. She was pretty tall too, which probably explained how she could effectively tackle Eren to the ground (though the fact that she was running with the speed of a jet pack could also be a factor).

“Oh…Levi never told you about me?” She placed a finger to her lips as she was lost in thought. Eren could barely make out what she was saying although what he could hear was “past” and “touchy” and “sad.”

“You know Levi?” Eren tried to get her back on track. This woman’s mind was working on a whole other level, and he didn’t necessarily mean it as a compliment. 

“KNOW Levi? That is practically the understatement of the year!” She rushed up to Eren, pulling him up to his feet. “Hmm. You don’t seem his type, but maybe that’s for the best.” She gazed into Eren’s eyes, and the brunet had to restrain himself from backing away or running out the door. It didn’t seem that she would care if he called the police on her to be honest. And what did she mean by type? People in Trost have roommate types?

“I’m a little miffed that he didn’t mention me at  _all_  seeing that I live practically down the hall from you guys.” She let out a little dramatic sigh, but it hardly seemed to match the chipper persona she had on. “The name is Hanji. You must be Eren.”

She abruptly led him over to the couch, throwing her feet on the cushion between them. Eren just prayed that Levi wouldn’t come home at this time. “So where’s the grouchy shrimp?”

“H-huh?” Hanji turned to look at him. “The grouchy shrimp. Levi?”

“He’s at work, I think. I left before him to go get some furniture. I just moved in a couple of days ago.”

“So…does that mean that you didn’t have furniture for the past several days. I think it was four right? I was watching you from the peephole in my door. You really need to watch for the oil grease that gets on your clothes from making eggs.”

Eren’s face set into something between a grimace and a face of alarm. On one hand, he felt that he should be concerned for his life. For all he knew, this Hanji person could be a raging sociopath, which she was looking like more and more. However, somehow, he felt that Hanji meant absolutely no harm and was just a really weird woman. She was so nonchalant about everything.

"So, tell me. How are you and Levi hitting it off? Any juicy man on man stories to tell me?" Eren's face immediately lit up redder than Rudolph's fucking-tastic nose on a bleary Christmas Eve night once Hanji rattled off "man on man." 

"No no no no! It's not like that between us." He paused for a second to consider what even was between them. Oh right. "There is nothing between us!" Hanji only gave Eren a quizzical stare back. 

"Really? Are you sure? There  _has_ to be something to tell." She smiled at him reassuringly. "It's OK, you can tell Mama Hanji everything. There is no way that Levi would randomly let anyone into his apartment for longer than a week if he didn't know them beforehand. Like I said, I've known Levi for quite some time now." Hanji patted his hands as she smiled. 

"But honest. There's nothing going. I just moved in a couple of days, and I barely talk to him anyways. He's really quiet, and all he talks about is cleaning." Sighing, Hanji settled back into the couch. "But it doesn't make any sense. Levi is well-off enough to pay for this apartment by himself. Are you sure he isn't keeping you as a maid or a nighttime sex toy?" 

Eren colored into a deeper red. Kind of like a deep shade of crimson mixed with the color of pure horror and embarrassment. "No! I stay in my room at night! Alone. With the doors closed. By myself. Did I mention alone? And Levi does the same thing in his room. He stays there, alone. Without me."

"But you're pretty cute Eren. Definitely not his type I don't think, but he's probably reaching a mid-life crisis soon. People change during mid-life crises." 

Eren had no idea if Levi even thought of dating. People like him just seemed like they popped into the world fully formed and in a suit and ready to make everyone around them their bitches. "And what do you mean by type? I'm not a girl!" 

Shaking her head and looking at him with the same amount of pity you would give to a small child, she reached over and patted his head. "Who said that you were a girl? You have the silliest assumptions. Definitely not his type, but opposites do attract." Hanji slowly got up, stretching as she made her way to the door. "Remember, if you have anything you want to talk about, my door is aways open. Room 115." She flashed Eren an overly exuberant smile before slipping out the door faster than the speed of light. 

Still slightly stunned and confused about the fact that Levi might have sexual feelings, Eren tried to fit his new furniture into his room to distract himself. And anyways, what did that have to do with him? Sighing, he tried to the ignore the colorful remarks Hanji made. He already had the stress of trying to find a job. There was no need to add a pile of questions about his roommate on top of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back from an intense period of traveling around the place! I tried to shorten this chapter a bit since the last one was so long o.o As always please comment and whatever else you do. I'm going to try to skip to more Levi/Eren action but it's slow going.


	5. The Super Mega Foxy Awesome Hot Anchor of Trost News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Eren meets and crushes hard on Erwin, and Levi talks sex.

Ever since his run in Hanji, Eren was always more cautious when he left the apartment. It wasn’t like he had a choice. He couldn’t just stay in his room forever. After all, he did have a job at the coffee shop, no matter how low paying it was. If Levi noticed that he was acting strange, the older man never said anything.

A few more days passed by before anything mildly interesting happened to Eren. It was a Saturday, and one where he didn’t have a shift to work. Eren spent the time trying to look for jobs and perfect his resume. He was sure that there was a job out there for him that didn’t involve coffee beans and employees that sniffed at you. Levi was also, surprisingly, home. At times Eren forgot about his roommate, mainly since Levi seemed most active when Eren was asleep. 

Settled in the living room, his papers spread out all around him, and his seafoam eyes gazing intently at the screen of his laptop, Eren had been trying to talk to Levi for the past hour. All he got from the raven-haired man was grunting, yes or no answers, and “shut the fuck up you shitty brat.” He was startled by the sound of knocking at the door. Getting up, the brunet opened the door, forgetting for a second to make sure that it wasn’t Hanji at the other end. However, knocking didn’t seem to be part of her style, so Eren felt that he would be rather safe.

“Can I help … you…wow.”

Eren couldn’t help but gape slightly because in front of him was the famous and ultra handsome Erwin Smith of Trost News. The impressively tall man, built with pure muscle, with every hair in place. Eren was sure that even Mikasa had a crush on him, even though she refused to admit it. Why would a famous news anchor based out of Trost be at his apartment? Could this be a dream come true?

“Is Levi home?”

Eren’s face must have looked awfully confused enough that the tall, strapping, perfect blond started chuckling.

“I see he didn’t tell you. My name is Erwin. I used to live here with Levi.”

Eren could only stare at the immaculate hands that reached out to him, waiting for a handshake. Would it be appropriate to just slobber that hand with kisses? Eren pretty much had the most massive man crush on Erwin. Like, who wouldn’t?

“My name is Eren…” The boy’s voice was still dazed, and he shook Erwin’s hand repeatedly, without letting go.

“Oi, stop drooling over my floors brat.” Eren jumped up slightly before scrambling out of the way.

“O-oh sorry!” Laughing, Erwin entered into the apartment. “It’s ok. You should be nicer to your poor roommate Levi. He, after all, has to put up with you.”

Levi was not amused. “What do you want blondie? Come to shit in my toilet? Yours not working?”

“I just came to check up on you. You cancelled on our weekly lunch.”

Eren could only stare blankly at the exchange. He couldn’t even imagine Levi having friends, let alone being friends with this hunk of a man. How could his prissy, extremely insulting roommate be friends with God’s perfect human creation? What was their dynamic as roommates even like? Erwin must be a saint.

“I told you to stop drooling on my floor brat.”

“S-sorry!” Eren quickly turned around to try and focus on his laptop again. His fingers clacking across the keys, although at this point he was just hitting whatever he could to distract himself from the celebrity within a foot of him.

“No but seriously, what do you want Erwin?”

“You act like I’m going to go in here and steal your furniture. I just wanted to make sure that you were doing alright.” Eren could hear Levi rolling his eyes, if that was even possible. “Not to mention, I wanted to see just who this new roommate was. You never told me how attractive he was.”

Eren’s cheeks reddened profusely, although at the same time, he wondered why it mattered that Erwin thought he looked attractive.

“Him? Handsome? I’ve taken shits more attractive than him.” Levi, keeping it real.

“Play nice Levi.” Eren could hear footsteps approaching him, and his fingers moved frantically across the keys. “What are you working on there Eren?”He felt a warm hand touch him on the shoulder. If only he could die right now, in this perfect moment.

“OH…ahem…just my resume. The company I got accepted into is under investigation for fraud.” It wasn’t that much of a big deal to Eren by now. He had somewhat settled into the rhythm of working at the coffee shop and living with Levi. The sheer hours he worked coupled with the amount of cleaning that Levi made him do kept Eren pretty occupied. Now that he had time, there was no reason for him to mope.

“Oh, right. MP Corps. I did a piece on it recently. I’m sorry that happened to you.” Eren allowed himself to look into Erwin’s understanding face, and he almost immediately regretted it. Who was he to gaze on the face of an angel. Poor Eren was starstruck.

“After you’re done melting my roommate into a puddle I have a box of your crap to give to you.” Levi’s voice cut through the pink haze of Eren’s mind. Blushing, he turned back to the screen to erase the gibberish he added in his panic.

“Oh. I was wondering where that vase went.”

“I used it to piss in.”

“That’s lovely Levi. I’m sure it’ll do wonders for the aged look of this vase.”

Eren really wondered what happened between the two of them. So far, Levi sounded more antagonistic than he usually did, but Erwin seemed to handle it fine. If anything, it was also though this was just friendly banter.

“How’s Hanji doing? I almost miss having her assault me. Almost, of course.”

Levi snorted, so attractively. “Like hell I know what that nutjob is doing. I think I hear her still breathing heavily outside my door sometimes.” Eren still hadn’t told him about his run in with Hanji, and he didn’t think he ever would.

“Well I’ve got to go Levi. We’re filming a special tonight so I have to head in early. It was great meeting you Eren.” With a charming smile, and what Eren thought was a wink directed straight at his heart, Erwin Smith walked out the door.Turning abruptly to stare into Levi’s grey eyes, Eren barraged him with questions.

“When did you move in with Erwin? Why did he leave you? Do you know if he’s single? What was it like living with him? Is it true that he only drinks kale smoothies for breakfast? How did you meet h-”

Eren stopped when Levi leaned in dangerously close to him. Eren couldn’t tell if the other man was exasperated by him or angry or just well, being Levi.

“We had rough anal sex every night.”

And with that, Eren watch as Levi strode into his room, slamming the door shut. He couldn’t even begin to understand the statement, let alone figure out if Levi was just joking with him. For some reason, it didn't really sound like a joke 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh finally I get the chance to work on this! Anyways, I had a lot of fun having Eren fanboy over Erwin. This is pretty much what I would do in the presence of someone famous, although I'd probably spend more time drooling than anything. 
> 
> Anyways, comments and suggestions are always welcome!


	6. Flashing as a Hobby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren is completely distracted by Levi's sex life and flashes his roommate.

We had rough anal sex every night.

The words echoed through Eren’s head for the remainder of the week. Part of him wanted to say no, this was not something that he should be interested in. Afterall, it was Levi’s sex life, which was admittedly none of Eren’s business. But at the same time, curiosity was literally the only reaction a person could have after hearing that statement. It didn’t help that Eren had not seen Levi since that incident, so the brunet had only burning questions and no one to answer them. Well, there was someone, but Eren would rather saw off his dick than gossip with Hanji.

Sighing, Eren absentmindedly rang up the cash register as he pondered over and over what Levi had meant, not quite sure if there was anyone even ordering in front of him. Was the older man just joking with him? Levi had a really crass sense of humor, that much Eren had picked up. Shit jokes reigned supreme, followed by constipation and other bowel movements. At the same time, Levi didn’t sound like he was joking. Why would you even joke about something like that? Not to mention how much crasser and ruder Levi got when perfectly wonderful Erwin showed up. No, there had to be something.

“Eren! Earth to Eren!”

Brilliant green eyes snapped back to reality as Petra’s palm made contact with the back of his head. Wincing, Eren rubbed the sore spot as he turned to face the happy-go-slapping ginger.

“W-what was that for Petra?” That was when he noticed the extremely long line of customers and the numbers that he had been ringing up on the cash register, which was totalling close to a million dollars.

“Eren, you’ve been staring into space for the last 10 minutes.” Had it really been that long? “I swear, I leave you and Mike alone, and this shop will burn down.” Petra mumbled darkly under her breath as she shoved Eren out of the way with her hips. Rapidly taking orders and diminishing the line, Petra pelted Eren with a wet rag, glaring at him until he went around cleaning the counter and tables.

* * *

“Get some rest Eren. You seem like you need it!” Petra could not have shoved him out the door faster. Oh she cared for the boy, just not when he giving her more work to do.

Smelling like burnt coffee and confusion, Eren waved goodbye to his coworkers who were more or less, glad to see him leave for the day. Besides failing to take orders for a good 10 minutes, he tried to brew coffee with ungrinded beans, clogged the toilet instead of cleaning it, spilled a number of drinks on himself and other people, and broken at least 5 coffee cups.

By the time that he got back home, Eren was exhausted and overwhelmed by the scent of dark roast coffee. Cautiously entering, he wondered if Levi was home. However, the apartment looked the same as he left it, shrouded in darkness. Shrugging, confused as to where his roommate could be, Eren headed straight to the shower. At least he could ponder in there without breaking anything.

And ponder he did. While washing the smell of coffee from his body, Eren devised a list of people who would possibly know about Levi and Erwin, which was about three people. Number one on his list of Marco and Jean. They were nice, normal (relatively speaking) people, and they knew about Levi, but it didn’t seem likely they’d know about Levi’s relationship with Erwin. However, Marco was cute, and he could bear with Jean to see Marco. Number two was Hanji. Eren knew that he would get exactly what he needed from her, but at what price? His dignity and probably sanity.

Shaking the water droplets out of his hair, Eren plodded around the apartment trying to figure out the game plan of who to ask. Although, in reality, he was trying to figure out why he cared so much. Maybe because it involved Erwin, who Eren was practically in love with (as all humans should be). Maybe because Eren just had nothing better to do with his life. Or maybe, it was because Levi was enigmatic and this was the first time he appeared so real. Eren was still a dreamer by all means, and he just wanted to get to know Levi. He was slightly jealous of how easily Erwin could talk to Levi, despite the other man’s inability to speak like a decent human. Rummaging through the fridge, Eren was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the door opening.

“You realize that water damages wood right? You little shit.” Surprised out of his skin, Eren managed to drop whatever food he was holding as well as the grip on the towel around his waist. By the time he whipped around to face Levi, his towel had managed to fall off leaving Eren a blushing red mess. Any normal person with half a brain would probably salvage whatever dignity they had left and just run away. Eren was not a normal person, and instead, froze in front of his immaculately dressed roommate. Did anyone ever tell Levi just how striking he looked in a suit? The way that the fabric was expertly tailored against his slim body, allowing his muscles to bulge out slightly and the broad frames of his shoulder to perfectly stretch out the jacket. And that cravat. It was an outdated substitute for a tie, but it was as if it was created to be used by Levi. So Eren just stood there, nude, mentally drooling over his shorter roommate.

To Levi, it was rather an eyeful of Eren, but as if he was going to complain. The water that dripped down from Eren’s perfectly tousled hair to his body, leaving a trail along the firm, tan skin, perfectly traced the outlines of his muscles. No matter which way the green-eyed idiot turned his body, the fading light through the windows perfectly illuminated him, creating shadows and hollows that only further emphasized the lean muscle he owned. And holy hell, can you actually get abs from making coffee all day? As much as the older man tried not to, it was quite hard to not look down past the abs to the gift Eren was genetically bestowed by his parents. All in all, Eren was a neat little package, wrapped just right for Levi.

“I wasn’t aware that you picked up flashing as a hobby.” Levi’s voice was monotonous and emotionless as usual. He was midway through loosening his cravat, an act that Eren thought was way too attractive on someone so mean, and taking off his suit jacket. All the young brunet could do was babble and try to come up with something to say, anything to counteract the deadpan delivery. However, if Eren looked closely enough (Eren was not looking closely enough), he would see a dangerous glint in Levi’s steel cold eyes. A glint that reflected a desire for something more than just half of Eren’s rent.

Fumbling around, his face now radiating the heat of a thousand splendid suns, Eren haphazardly placed the towel over the front of his body before booking it to his room. “S-sorry!” What he failed to do was cover his ass, which he now granted Levi a wonderful view of. It was a nice ass.

Allowing himself a chuckle, Levi finished taking off his outerwear before laying dry towels on the floor to soak up the water. Erwin was right, Eren was an attractive roommate.  

“Hey, brat. Do you want dinner?” It was the least he could do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't planning on updating this, but then I was hit by divine inspiration. Hopefully you enjoy it, and I think I'll be alternating between updating this and my other fic. As always, suggestions and comments are totally welcome. This was a bit more description driven rather than dialogue, so hopefully it's not too wordy!


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